La Russa is Back! Bring in the Geezers!

The Cardinals and long-time manager Tony La Russa recently agreed on a contract that will bring him back for the 2011 season, as well as a mutual option for 2012. What does this mean for Cardinals fans? Well, it means more classic double switches, more pitchers batting before Brendan Ryan (although I still haven’t decided if that’s a bad thing—ZING!), and maybe even another Glenn Beck rally if he’s feeling political, like when he went on record saying he supported the supremely racist Arizona immigration law. Seriously, Tony? All that aside, what we will definitely see is an influx in Tony’s favorite guilty pleasure, and I’m not talking about taking naps at stoplights at 3 AM. I’m talking about atrocious 30-something infielders. T-Bone adores picking up players well past their prime, assuming they had a prime in the first place. The requirements for this list are simple, and the same criteria Tony uses: they have to be well over 30 with an OPS below .700 (the lower the better). Here are four players that TLR should keep his eye on, some of which might actually play for the Cards next year or played for them in the past…

Adam Kennedy (34) — 2B
2010 Resume: .249 BA, .327 SLG, .655 OPS
The Nationals didn’t pick up his option at the end of this season, making him a free agent and a real possibility for TLR. Furthermore, when they play the Diamondbacks, Tony won’t have to ask for his Green Card (Oh snap, double zing!). He’s already been a Cardinal, so don’t be surprised if La Russa partakes in a double-dip.

Julio Lugo (34) — 2B/SS
2010 Resume: .249 BA, .282 SLG, .581 OPS
Lugo passes Tony’s checklist with flying colors. I mean, look at his slugging and OPS! Tony had him for bit in 2009, but somehow he managed to let him slip through his fingers. Don’t expect that to happen again: after his stint in Baltimore, Lugo is now a free agent, and don’t think TLR’s going to sit around waiting for another club to swipe him up.

Miguel Tejada (36, allegedly) — 3B
2010 Resume: .269 BA, .381 SLG, .692 OPS, 15 HR
Unfortunately for Tejada, I think TLR is most likely to pass on him because his stats are the closest to being “almost not horrible.” That slugging percentage is worrisome, 15 homers is about 12 too many for Tony’s palette. Although I think he gets points for possibly being 40, making him the oldest on this list.

Pedro Feliz (35) — 3B
2010 Resume: .218 BA. .240 OBP, .293 SLG, .533 OPS
Jesus…we have a winner! Feliz actually did play for the Cardinals in the 2010 season, and it was nothing short of a spectacular train wreck. His stats were actually worse than his cumulative ones posted above. With the Cards, he uncorked a monster line that goes a little something like this: .208/.232/.250/.482. I won’t bother explaining which stat is which because it doesn’t matter. Despite being considered (near universally) the worst player of 2010, Tony knows a sleeper when he sees one. He’s hired.

Bonus Geezer! — Aaron Miles (33)
2010 Resume: .281 BA, .317 SLG, .627 OPS
All kidding aside, I know Aaron Miles isn’t very good, but I just can’t stop liking him. He’s listed at 5’8 and looks like a construction worker. I always joke that he’s Nick Stavinoha’s little brother (Google it, it’s uncanny) even though he’s much older, but I love the guy. Not sure what the Cards will do with him, but he’ll always have a spot on my team.