The Golden Sombrero presents MLB Look-alikes: Juan Gonzalez and Borat

Over the last few seasons, I have learned that the baseball world is perpetually invested in the demise of Jeff Francoeur.  Even those who root for him as a member of their favorite team think that the guy is an arrogant bum.  I’ll admit it; I liked the guy when he first came up with the Braves.  I didn’t exactly think he was the greatest thing ever — or as Sports Illustrated claimed, “The Natural” — but I believed that the guy had a lot of potential.

Last night, as I was killing time by scouring eBay for various baseball rookie cards(yes, I’m 25-years old, shut up), I stumbled upon one of Jeff Francoeur.  Now, on eBay, nearly every baseball rookie card will eventually sell, even if it is eventually at a reduced price.  Over the years, the depreciation and gross production of baseball cards has made many of the cards people once dreamed about buying, a possibility.  Hell, even Jose Canseco’s rookie cards get a few bids and eventually find a new home.

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Dear Edgar Renteria,

As a Cardinals fan and admirer of most of your work in St. Louis, I want to take the time to congratulate you on winning the World Series and MVP honors.  You’ve had a tough career recently, what with your struggles in the American League and the recent trips to the DL.  But you came through for your team when it mattered most, and I respect that.  However, something has been bothering me the last few days, and I hope you don’t mind if I give you a short history lesson which isn’t in chronological order (otherwise it ruins the punchline, so just go with it), followed by a very simple question.

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I’m going to be upfront with you, reader: I’m prone to hyperbole.  I say things are awesome or the best that certainly aren’t awesome or the best.  On more than a few occasions I’ve proclaimed the Baja Chalupa from T-Bell to be the best food ever.  That’s not true, and I’ll be the first to admit it (the Sourdough Jack from J-Box is the best food ever).  But try to believe me when I say that I have seen the greatest baseball sign in the history of baseball signs.  “Cliff Lee struck out Chuck Norris…with two pitches” works on so many levels.  We’ve come a long way as a society, but in my humble opinion, Chuck Norris jokes are the greatest achievement of the human race (See?  There I go again with hyperbole…it’s a slippery slope).  They were funny at first, stayed funny for far too long, then stopped being funny.  Because of this sign, they are funny again.  Thank you, Texas.  This almost makes up for the fact that you execute the mentally challenged.

I can’t say that I’m surprised former Major League Baseball first baseman now MLB Network “analyst,” Sean Casey, is a fan of professional wrestling.  In a segment on their Monday evening edition of MLB Tonight, Casey — who couldn’t possibly be more ADHD — displayed his vast knowledge of wrestling moves when he demonstrated how to properly fight for a home run ball in the centerfield grass at the Ballpark in Arlington.  After showing highlights of the guy who went leaping after Buster Posey’s home run in Game 4, “The Mayor” broke down just how it should be done: