Brett Wallace’s Thighs: The Eighth Wonder of the World | The Golden Sombrero Baseball Blog | MLB, Fantasy, College & High School Baseball News

Brett Wallace’s Thighs: The Eighth Wonder of the World

Some little-known facts about Brett Wallace and his massive thighs:

  • With certain breeds of dogs, you can get an idea of how big they will be based upon the size of their paws as a puppy.  At two-years-old, Wallace’s thighs suggested a career as a corner infielder.
  • Brett Wallace’s thighs have thighs.
  • With those tree trunks, all of his baseball pants are naturally pro-flared.
  • In 2010, Wallace was traded twice due to his unsightliness in khakis.
  • Wallace has never sat in the middle seat on an airplane.
  • He once tried on a pair of skinny jeans.
  • He once got stuck in a pair of skinny jeans.
  • He’s never been considered top heavy.
  • His lower half was the inspiration behind EvoShield’s first products.
  • Brett Wallace can out-leg press Yoenis Cespedes in his sleep.



  1. Andy says:

    Brad Mills has reprimanded Carlos Lee on multiple occasions for putting sliced carrots and potatoes in the whirlpool while Brett Wallace soaks his aching thighs.

  2. Rick B. says:

    Just simmer, I mean sit there for a while.