Mark Reynolds was golden on Saturday against the Cardinals

Hat trick plus uno

Awful day for fantasy

Golden sombrero

“Love has its sonnets galore. War has its epics in heroic verse. Tragedy its sombre story in measured lines. Baseball has Casey at the Bat.” – Albert Spalding

This is my modern take (my remix, if you will) on Ernest L. Thayer’s classic 1888 poem, Casey at the Bat. Anyone that takes the time to check their fantasy squad daily (or multiple times daily for you real nerds) but has never taken the 60 seconds required to read this poetic piece of baseball lore should offer up their testicles (or ovaries, ladies) for batting practice.  After reading Señor Towel’s piece, mentioning baseball’s most sacred stanzas, I got to wondering what it would be like if Casey had played in my lifetime instead of Wee Willie Keeler’s.  And I’m sorry Wee Willie but these days – chicks dig the long ball!

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Legendary college hoops coach John Wooden passed away last Friday, June 4.  The renowned strategist and mentor, best known for his 10 titles in 12 seasons at UCLA, was ninety nine years young.  Wooden was revered by those who played under his tutelage, remembered fondly as a strict disciplinarian and master motivator.  He accumulated a vast amount of wisdom throughout his years, eventually earning the nickname the Wizard of Westwood.  Since his death many articles have been written sharing some of his greatest nuggets of knowledge.  The old man really was a modern day Confucius, and his words will surely be passed down for generations to come.  While reflecting on some of these axioms, it occurred to me that many could be useful in either describing or advising some of our greatest sports heroes.  So call me Big Pun, because what we’ve got here is a list of proverbs from Mr. Wooden himself dedicated to some of sport’s biggest stars

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May 31, 2010

I was certainly more raised on baseball than I was on hip hop.  I was whiffing at balls on a tee for my preschool squad and Baltimore choppin’ in the batting cages before Biggie and Pac ever started beefin’.  I knew California Love and was vaguely familiar with some other more popular rap of the day, but didn’t really get into hip hop until my older brother Griff played me Dr. Dre’s seminal Chronic 2001.  It was labeled parental advisory and I’m not sure how he even acquired it but knowing what a vile opinion our parents held of rap music we didn’t dare bump that shit in the house.  The only place we could safely blast such depraved filth was in Griff’s Ford Exploder and I’ll be damned if we weren’t bumpin’ the Doc just about every day on the way to school my 8^th grade year, two years after I had actually stopped playing baseball.

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May 26, 2010

Of all the projectiles used in today’s four most popular professional sports, no air-borne apparatus is more deadly more than the baseball.  The worst damage a football or basketball will usually ever do is jam a finger or break a nose (sorry, Stuart Scott).  A hokey puck is comparable to a baseball in density and velocity, but players wear full-face helmets the entire game and goalie is the single position dedicated to sacrificing himself in the line of fire.  Only in baseball is a primary element of the game defending your opponent’s best attempts at using a large club to bludgeon a cork filled piece of leather into oblivion. I’ll leave the exact physics to the Grinnell guys or whatever other link you wanna put up for that), but the simple fact is that the right swing connecting with the right pitch can produce a devastating amount of force, something any player, coach, or fan can attest to.  In fact, the book Death at the Ballpark documents over 850 unique ways people have died either playing or watching America’s pastime.  There are close calls every game, with line drives and foul balls zipping this way and that.  Usually, people get out of the way.  Sometimes, they don’t.

On March 11, 2010, Marin Catholic High School pitcher Gunnar Sandberg was struck in the head by a line drive during a scrimmage.  The 16 year old was placed in a medically-induced coma and had part of his skull removed during one of many surgeries.  But just two months later Gunnar is well on his way to recovery, and with a protective helmet currently covering his recuperating cranium, he has thrown out opening pitches for both the Giants and A’s in the past two weeks.  He is also looking forward to returning to his high school team next season.  That’s tough, kid.

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