{"id":466,"date":"2010-06-17T18:00:45","date_gmt":"2010-06-17T23:00:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/thegoldensombrero.com\/wordpress\/?p=466"},"modified":"2010-06-25T16:49:54","modified_gmt":"2010-06-25T21:49:54","slug":"what-an-asshole-the-arizona-diamondbacks%e2%80%99-bullpen","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/thegoldensombrero.com\/wordpress\/archives\/466","title":{"rendered":"What an Asshole: The Arizona Diamondbacks\u2019 Bullpen"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Chad Qualls<\/p><\/div>\n

It\u2019s really a shame that the Diamondbacks<\/a>\u2019 season has gone the way that it has thus far because I actually enjoy watching them on tv and listening to Mark Grace\u2019s<\/a> drunken tangents.\u00a0 Luckily I haven\u2019t caught too many games over the past week, but based upon both the highlights I\u2019ve seen and articles I\u2019ve read, I\u2019m sure that Gracie<\/a> has been getting a little extra sauced.\u00a0 I don\u2019t blame him.\u00a0 I know that I would be too if I were watching a bunch of asshole, \u201crelief pitchers,\u201d continue to blow leads.\u00a0 Headed by the once-reliable-turned-atrocious Chad Qualls<\/a>(4 BS, 8.46 ERA), the D\u2019backs bullpen is currently leading the National League in appearances\u2026appearances by assholes<\/em>.\u00a0 Entering Thursday, the bullpen had recorded only 13 saves while blowing 12– that\u2019s right, they almost have as many blown saves as they do saves.\u00a0 What assholes.<\/p>\n

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With a 26-40 record, the Diamondbacks\u2019 are 12 games behind the Dodgers<\/a> and Padres<\/a> and have become the armpit of the N.L. West.\u00a0 Even if they had a decent bullpen, I don\u2019t necessarily believe that they would be a contender.\u00a0 However, they could easily be the type of team that they have been in previous years: a youthful, scrappy team that always manages to flirt with the wildcard spot or at least act as a spoiler for other teams.\u00a0 It\u2019s clear that this season is already a different story.<\/p>\n

Regardless of how great their starters(Dan Haren<\/a>, Edwin Jackson<\/a>, Ian Kennedy<\/a>) have been and might continue to be, their individual success, as well as the success of the organization, is repeatedly placed in the hands of assholes.\u00a0 The Diamondbacks bullpen currently sports a nauseating 7.21 ERA, a mark that is dead last in the league and more than a run and half higher than the Brewers\u2019<\/a> 5.67.\u00a0 In 172.1 innings, they have given up an impressive 138 earned runs, a stat fueled by a group of pitchers that must be referred to as \u201cThe Assholes in the Bullpen.\u201d\u00a0 Not even Danny Glover<\/a> wants to associate himself with these human brown-eyes.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re a Diamondbacks fan, I must offer the disclaimer that the next series of stats<\/a> may be difficult to stomach- just don\u2019t say that I didn\u2019t warn you.\u00a0 Opposing hitters are making the most of every opportunity that they get to face the most ineffective bullpen in baseball.\u00a0 Much like their league worst ERA, the D\u2019Backs bullpen is dead last in opponent OPS(.892- .385 OBP and .506 SLG), BAA(.304) and home runs(33).\u00a0 Gross.\u00a0 On top of it all, this bullpen boasts a 131\/95 K\/BB ratio.\u00a0 Not only are these pitchers consistently issuing free passes, they are serving up game-changing hits- often for extra bases- after doing so.<\/p>\n

And now, for the million dollar question: what should the Diamondbacks do to improve their situation?\u00a0 I\u2019ve got the answer, but I don\u2019t know if you\u2019re ready for it; you\u2019re going to feel like an idiot once you see how clear it is.\u00a0 Ready?<\/p>\n

Stop giving the ball to fucking Chad Qualls.<\/p>\n

The only thing that has impressed me about him is the speed in which he is able to completely blow a multi-run lead.\u00a0 Just yesterday it was announced<\/a> that Aaron Heilman<\/a> will be receive most of the closing opportunities\u2026this still doesn\u2019t solve anything.\u00a0 I think they should just call up a bunch of young arms and get them some experience.<\/p>\n

Now moving on to some related but less depressing news.\u00a0 A few weeks back Dee wrote an article<\/a> that one of our friends and college teammates, Sam Eaton(Eat-a), was being considered for a job within the Diamondbacks\u2019 organization.\u00a0 Well, Eat-a received the call last Thursday that he was being called up, so to speak.\u00a0 What fucking amazing news! The Sombrero Nation couldn\u2019t be prouder of him and will be following his every step along the way.\u00a0 I think GM Josh Byrnes<\/a> should trade some bullpen arms in exchange for top-of-the-line supplies for Eat-a\u2019s office.\u00a0 Regardless, Eat-a needs to go in there and shake some things up- take a lesson from the pros:<\/p>\n

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It\u2019s really a shame that the Diamondbacks\u2019 season has gone the way that it has thus far because I actually enjoy watching them on tv and listening to Mark Grace\u2019s drunken tangents.\u00a0 Luckily I haven\u2019t caught too many games over the past week, but based upon both the highlights I\u2019ve seen and articles I\u2019ve read, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[6,16,11,13,14],"tags":[351,509,124,513,330,118,514,515,516,512,79],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/thegoldensombrero.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/466"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/thegoldensombrero.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/thegoldensombrero.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/thegoldensombrero.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/9"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/thegoldensombrero.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=466"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"http:\/\/thegoldensombrero.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/466\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":537,"href":"http:\/\/thegoldensombrero.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/466\/revisions\/537"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/thegoldensombrero.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=466"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/thegoldensombrero.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=466"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/thegoldensombrero.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=466"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}